Dear Past Writer-Self

13 years ago today, I finished writing my first novel.

Heyo, blog! It’s been a minute. Not having written in ages makes maintaining a writing blog, well, like a frying pan: hard. Who knew, right?

Anyway, August 31 is a special day, since in 2008, on that date, I finished my very first full-length novel.

It must have been pretty exciting, considering how many exclamation points I used on the page written in red pen in a spiral notebook when I wrote The End on a novel for the first time.

That was half my life ago now.

Since then?

  • I’ve finished some half-dozen novels, a couple of novellas, and a couple dozen short stories.
  • I have several other tales in various stages along the way.
  • Haven’t published anything.
  • I’ve given up on some publishing dreams, had new ones, given up on those, and need to probably poke one or the other of those dreams awake again one of these days. (The problem with dreams is they’re always napping on the job.)

I can’t help but compare my excited 13-year-old self who had just finished her first novel in a spiral-bound notebook (I think it was like 95K words), who was on top of the moon and enjoyed writing for the sake of it, to my half-my-lifetime-later mid-twenties self who hasn’t written in four months due to . . . something.

If I figure out what, that might help. Exhaustion both physical and emotional, busyness, lack of focus . . . something. I know I should give my writer self the benefit of the doubt — I’ve been dealing with a lot in my life this year and I have a job, neither of which my 13-year-old writer self would understand.

But the fact remains that my writing has been nonexistent or barely-there for a long time now.

My stories are not silent. I’ve had several brainstorms for several of my WIPs these last few months. They knock on the door of my mind, often without warning, sometimes without even knocking — simply barreling the door down and presenting me with new mind-blowing revelations about plots and characters and settings and storylines that I’ve been neglecting on-page for too long.

My stories are not silent. They are alive and bursting with new brainstorms — sometimes a torrential thunderstorm, sometimes a quiet flickering summer lightning storm if I’m busy or tired. But I’m always discovering new things about them as they simmer on the back burner like a patient oatmeal or a scientific experiment waiting to fizzle over and explode — not sure which.

My stories are not silent. It’s only my pen that is.

2020 was bad for my writing. 2021 has been worse.

In 2020 I wrote less than 40% of what I usually write. In 2021, so far, 2/3rds in, I’ve written less than 40% of what I wrote in 2020.

I have a coiled-threads mess of feelings about this that I’m having a hard time untangling.

  • Sadness — I haven’t been writing.
  • Super Stressed — Will I ever write again?
  • Resigned — Well, I’m busy and have no energy, so there’s nothing I can do about it right now.
  • Apathetic — Okay but do I really care tho’ [*slaps apathetic self who is probably just tired*]
  • Be-kind-to-yourself — Life is stressful and this non-writing is just a season. Breathe. And stop feeling guilty, for the love of frying pans. (Who knew, right?)

I’m not sure which of these is . . . the real thing . . . if there is one.

Did I mention I overthink things? 😛

Dear 13-year-old-me:

I’m so proud of you for finishing that first novel! Ethan and company (okay, mostly your Duncan obsession, and the bears too) are in written-book form, and regardless of what happens to it in the future, that’s something awesome.

If you could write a letter to me now, I wonder what you would say?

Would you be impressed at what I’ve written since then? Would you be disappointed I haven’t published anything? Flabbergasted that I could go four months without writing a single thing? Confused at how I’ve managed to make everything that used to be a joy about writing and reading into a chore?

Would you tell me to find my joy again? To write for the fun of it? To breathe in and out and forget that I have failed so many times and instead to just start again?

Start again . . .

That brings to mind the song “Start Again” by Red. (Listen. Or lyrics.) It’s one of the theme songs for two brothers in my WIP The Other Half of Everything.

I’m singing it in my head, to you, past-self. (Even though you don’t like rock music yet.)

Can we start again?

Love, your future (now present) mid-twenties writer-self

Final (For Now!) Story Episode!

The last (for now) episode of my serial story is up today!

Part 5: “Of Portal Chases and Chocolate” brings the Twelve Dancing Princesses mission arc to a close, and it’s all I have ready so far . . .

I DO however have some Plans And Ideas (bwahahaha) for a NEW batch of episodes continuing to follow Sean and co. on their next mission, so hopefully that will happen someday if I can get more written!

Meantime, I hope it’s been fun, and if you missed the first few episodes, now is a great time to catch up on this urban fantasy/fairy tale/snarky agent serial short story since they’re all up now!

(The episodes are 1-2K words, for a total of 8K words.)

If you check it out, leave a comment below letting me know what you think? Or if you’d like more stories? Or a comment or like on Wattpad, if you’re on there, would be so helpful too.

Thanks sooo much for reading! I’ve had a blast writing and sharing this story and I hope y’all enjoy too!

New Story Episode!

Happy National Tell a Fairy Tale Day!

Felt appropriate that I’m sharing a new episode of my Snow Queen/Twelve Dancing Princesses urban fantasy serial short story today. 😉

Part 4: In Which My Past Catches Up With Me is up now!

New episode!

Next week will be the final episode to pretty much wrap up this arc. (I…suspect it won’t toootally feel wrapped up to readers, so I may have to write more at some point.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Feel free to leave a comment here (or there) if you read it! Thanks for reading!

Girls/Spies/Faeries 3rd Episode Is Up!

Just a really quick post to say that the new episode of my serial short story is finally up today!

So yep, any of you who read the original two episodes here on my blog ages ago can finally find out what happens next. 😀

Part 3: How To Make A Deal With An Ice Queen: https://www.wattpad.com/1021818290-girls-spies-and-other-things-the-faeries-stole

(And if you haven’t read the first two parts, they’re up there too!)

So excited for the next part of my snarky boi Sean’s story to be available at long last! ^_^

Episode 4 will be up next Friday!

Thanks for reading! (If you check it out, I’d be thrilled if you’d leave a comment on Wattpad or here!)

Girls/Spies/Faeries: Moving to Wattpad!

Heya, blog friends! Long time no see. XD

Sooo, remember that serial short story, Girls, Spies, and Other Things the Faeries Stole, about my snarky boy Sean and the twelve dancing girls and the snow queen?

Wellll, it’s back! Ish.

The first two parts were inspired in part by prompts from Fairy Tale Central, about The Twelve Dancing Princesses and The Snow Queen. Both parts I posted here on this blog awhile back — Part 1 was in October 2019, and Part 2 was in January 2020. Since then, I’ve written three more installments, finishing that main arc, and I’m super excited to share them with you all!

Along with a cover I made! (Thanks to the magic of Unsplash, Krita, Canva, and sibling help.)

They new episodes aren’t based on prompts, and are simply carrying on from the first two parts to see how Sean and Riel get out of this, or if they do. XD

ANYWAY. I decided I wanted to share them as a serial over on Wattpad! I have an account there and have shared a couple of short stories but have been meaning to do something more there.

So I’m posting all five episodes over there — which means if you’ve already read the first two, you have to wait a smiiidge longer to find out what happens until I get those posted and can get to the new episodes.

But if you’re new, or if you read them but want a quick refresher (both parts have been slightly updated/edited, but the basic story is the same), I hope you’ll enjoy popping over to my Wattpad and reading them!

Part 1: Operation Twelve Dancing Daughters is up now!

Part 2: In Which Agent Riel Annoys Me (As Usual) will hopefully be up this Friday (February 12).

I’ll try to share about it here when part 3 goes up! But I’m hoping to post them each Friday.

It’s been ages since I shared any of my stories and I’m super excited to finally get to share this fun, snarky, urban fantasy/fairytale adventure serial with y’all.

I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

More coming soon, and thanks so much for reading! ^_^