Note: I wrote this “article” some while ago, but I think it an appropriate subject here on the last day of NaNo, when all we writers really want to do after a long month of writing is to crash and sleep and forget about writing and everything to do with it. Though we should probably wait till tomorrow for that… December is a great time for napping.
On Pillows and Their Sleeping Habits
The way to get good sleep is to sleep on a pillow that is also asleep—preferably two.
Now, this is more difficult than you might suppose. You see, pillows, by their very nature, are nocturnal. They tend to be wide awake at night and extremely dormant in the day. This is why we often do not sleep as well as we should like, for when the pillow you are sleeping on (or trying to sleep on) is awake, it stands to reason that it will try to keep you awake as well.
Pillows are mischievous like that.
It is possible that they are at times also responsible for some of the more bizarre dreams people have. Pillows are such cleverly weird creatures they can come up with lots of things to think into our unsuspecting drowsy minds. And the mere suggestion of an extremely strange idea to our own wildly creative minds is like a shiny new toy, so that even in our sleep we cannot help but begin to play with it—which, as before mentioned, can make for some seriously bizarre dreams.
At any rate, the trouble of getting good sleep can be narrowed down to getting the pillow to fall asleep first.
This is difficult.
Experts on the subject—or at least, as expert as anyone can be on such in unpredictable area of science—say that there is no tried and true method to making a pillow fall asleep, at least at this point in time. This is further complicated by the fact that it is not possible to be 100% certain that a pillow is truly asleep. Sometimes they are faking.
Various methods have been tried with varying uncertain results.
Some have tried pillow fights in an effort to tire the pillows out—which sometimes only makes them more awake and inclined to be either excited or grumpy, depending on the temperament of the individual pillow involved.
Others have tried leaving pillows in a dark closet in an attempt to convince them it is nighttime when it is really daytime, in order to keep them awake (they prefer sleeping in light), so that they will be tired come evening. But pillows generally have a pretty good sense of day and night, even when locked in a closet.
Many other methods have been tried, but it is in any case a very tricky business, and results have been non-conclusive.
However, if you should experience an extraordinarily restful sleep, it may be due to the fact that your pillow is as sound asleep as you are.
This article has not been read or approved by any authorities on the nature of sleeping or otherwise pillows, nor is it sponsored by any pillow-selling entities. The author of this article is not responsible for any strange or nervous feelings by readers toward their pillows after reading this.