Could Not Catch Them All

(Remember that post I mentioned I’d written? That I said I wouldn’t post unless I ran out of things to post? Well here it is. I’ve yet to write the Writing-Anniversary post but I hope to do it soon… The last time I was about to write it, I ended up starting writing another book instead. Go figure. 😉 Anyways, here, a post.)

***

There was this song I heard once about a juggler in a circus, and I feel like him right now, trying to juggle too many things in my life.

“But as he threw his skittles to the sky and watched them fall
He knew: tonight’s the night he could not catch them – could not catch them all . . .”

In these last few months, I’ve been trying to do way too many things, which consequently means that I really haven’t been getting anything done. I keep piling on more and more obligations, whether real or imagined, to myself and to other people.

What with NaNo prep back in October, NaNo during November, all of December swishing by with Christmas, and January with a new year and new responsibilities, and then February gone in the blink of an eye, I feel like I should be back in September of 2013.

Trying to balance my writing, reading, internet of all shapes and sizes, life, family, friends, everyday things that need to happen, and other projects . . . I don’t know, it’s just gotten overpowering lately. There are, for instance, emails I haven’t replied to since way before NaNo, stories by friends I’ve promised to critique months and months ago and still haven’t, etc.

I really need to sit down and analyze everything I’m doing and should be doing and basically completely reorganize my life. But that’s going to take time too, time that I could be using to catch up on those things, or to take care of the immediate life things that keep coming up.

Sea

I feel like I’m in the middle of a body of water, and the shore is barely visible far away, but I’m paralyzed by the distance. I know I can’t get there so I don’t even try, and as I wait the water rises higher and higher and the shore gets further and further away until it disappears and I’m just . . . stuck.

More song lyrics? I’m reminded of “Gollum’s Song” in the credits of The Two Towers:

“We are lost . . . We can never go home . . .”

(Okay, that’s a bit extreme. Maybe not that one. I do, however, use that as the theme-song for one of the characters I’m writing . . .)

Just rather overwhelmed here. I kind of feel like I need a vacation. From everything.

Buuut first I would want to catch up on all those things so I wouldn’t feel burdened by them . . . And the guilt cycle starts over again. Heehee.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, or why I’m spending the time to say it on my blog since it’s doubtful that it’s interesting or edifying. I guess I just want to say that if I vanish sometimes, this would be why, and also as a sort of mass apology to anyone who’s reading this who feels like I’ve abandoned them with not emailing or critiquing things I said I would do.

And I don’t know if anyone has suggestions either. Everyone’s lives are different. And I’m sure my problems are extremely petty in comparison to others — I’m not saying I have it really bad or anything and I really don’t want to complain! I’m having a lovely little life over here and I’ve been extremely blessed. I’m just a little lost. Sorry to dull the day with my little problems, and if you’ve stuck with me this far then . . . Here, have some profound thanks and a hug and a cupcake.

Cupcake

On a more upbeat note: wordcount meters! I found the link from this lovely lady’s blog, and I just love them! They’re going to sit proudly on the side of my blog and urge me on to actual writing. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Could Not Catch Them All

  1. Oh the guilt! I think that’s one of the worst things about feeling stuck in writing. Is knowing the back of your head that you could try to finish one of the million projects, but not being able too. And then you feel guilty. 😛
    Sometimes I want to punch the people who say writer’s block isn’t real. lol It is real! Sometimes it’s easy to get out of, sometimes it’s just NOT.

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  2. We all go through times like these! They seem to multiply after high school, when you no longer have One Thing (schoolwork) that needs to be accomplished above all others. I think it does help to know that other people’s lives go through the same seasons of muddled-ness. I wish I knew the secret to straightening everything out — the only thing I can think of is figuring out what your Big Goal is and then making that the priority that you hammer away at everyday … but I thought I had that figured out (writing) and things still don’t get done like I wish they would. You could give the reorganization a try, because anything the helps you save time in the long run is worth the bit of time you spend on it in the beginning. 🙂 But, even if we have our activities scheduled out in theory, the creative part of our brain still has to cooperate!
    You made me smile with that cupcake!
    I really do think you’ll get out of this writer’s block … you are quite the story genius. 🙂

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    • That’s true… I hadn’t thought of that. And having one thing be the main goal is useful. I think I will try doing some reorganization, after trying to catch up a bit.

      I’m writing a bit now, so hopefully that’s the beginning of things again — thanks for your sweet words. 🙂 *hugs*

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